Fat Princess Review

This review is coming fresh off half an hour of infuriating frustration of playing Fat Princess, and as I've really tried to think about writing something for the blog, I really had no motivation what so ever UNTIL about 40 minutes ago.

I am going to start off this review by saying that Fat Princess is not a bad game. It is, in fact, one of the most fun and enjoyful multiplayer experiences I've probably ever experienced on a console. Fat Princess is a downloadable capture the flag style game exclusive to the PSN, in which two infamous team colours battle it out to rescue their damsel in distress by carrying her from the opposing teams castle dungeon to their throne, but with an added twist that a team can feed their royal captive cake to fatten her up, and thus making her heavy and harder to shift. The game supports up to 32 player madness with a multitude of game modes and a single player "story" mode and around 5-6 maps.

The game is smeared with cutesy graphics, which is surprising when the menu's and trophy titles have a schoolboy sense of humour which I laughed at when I first launched the game. To select the single player game modes you have to pick the option of "Play with Yourself". Need I say more? The game adds more surprises when you discover that the cute graphics is just a ruse when you see cartooney dismembered body parts and blood splattering all over the place. Yes, behind the cute cartoon exterior is the cold heart of a killer game. The commentary is also hilarious with quotes like "They're in r base, killing r dewds" in a John Cleese-esque accent. This game is in a far away place from Animal Crossing, and thank fuck for that!

Each player starts off as a common villager which has the ability to slap people to stun them, but can become one of 5 distinct roles by picking up hats dispensed by medieval hat making machinery. Each role has their own merits and shortcomings but more importantly, roles that will suit a play style of most gamers. Each class can also be upgraded to gain new weaponry and abilities.

• The Warrior:- Melee class which has the most amount of health and attack power in the game. Upgraded warrior gets a Guan Yu style spear.
  
• The Priest: - Healer class which can heal and drain the life of others.
• The Worker: - Resource gatherer that can cut down trees and hack through rocks to help build upgrades for hat machines and the castle. Upgraded worker gets bombs.
  
• The Ranger: - Class that can use a bow to maim from long range. Gains a rifle once upgraded.
  
• The Mage: - Spell caster that can deal large amounts of fire damage, and once upgraded can freeze enemies.

Each class within the game is necessary enough to be included, the worker class being of the upmost importance at the start of a round. The classes are well rounded and each is individualised enough to make teamwork possible. Some classes can't work effectively without the support of the others which is a great gameplay mechanic, as it should encourage a mixing of classes so that a team of warriors aren't running around losing. Classes can also be changed on the fly by picking up a different hat so if players become bored of one playing style, they can switch to another at the touch of a button.

There are around 4 multiplayer modes. Capture the princess, snatch and grab, team deathmatch and a football blood bath. The single player mode is nothing more than a tutorial which helps the player discover what class suits them. It does have a story element presented in a fairy tale book about 2 princesses that can't stop eating magical cake. I'm sure that's every womans excuse. The story mode isn't really worth playing unless you're a trophy whore and want a single bronze trophy for beating it. The backbone of Fat Princess is in the multiplayer mode, which up until 2 weeks ago, wasn't even working properly. A patch however, has sorted connection issues out so Fat Princess is now playable online.

Despite the multiple gaming options, the real game play mode is capture the princess. A quest which involves capturing your princess from the opposing castle and placing her fat ass on your throne, and keeping her and the opposing teams princess locked in her cage long enough to win the round. Players can also aid by escorting you by pressing the O button. This increases the speed in which the carrier runs, and can determine victory or death. Before all of this happens, workers have to gather enough wood and gems to build upgrades such as castle doors, improvements to hat machines and a catapult to help throw you deep into the enemies castle. Teams can also choose to capture outposts scattered around the map which is vital, as outposts provide health to players by entering the fort door, and are often placed near vital resources such as trees and rocks, as workers can walk right into outposts to deliver resources to the teams stockpile.

Overall, the game experience is enjoyable and fun and is definately worth the £11.99 and hard drive space. So why the infurating frustration? There is only 2 elements of the game that make it so wardrobe punchingly death screamingly annoying. The players, and the AI. If you are at the unlucky end of the internet spectrum, you can get drawn into a team of complete retards who couldn't tell their arse from a Fat Princess. I have joined a game that was about to restart the round and lost the game within a minute. A single minute. 60 seconds. about 30 of those painful seconds was the countdown to us losing. Death scream I did. Another thing I've noticed is that the majority of players don't fatten up the princess. It's a major gameplay mechanic and it helps you win!! Use it!! Fatten that bitch up!! In all the online games I've played I seem to be the only player that feeds her cake and others ignore it. It makes no sense to me, unless I'm missing something.

And another thing. Why do you have to include AI in a multiplayer game? You know I told you not to play the single player story? It's because the AI are moronic. If Fat Princesses AI was embodied in a person, it would have down syndrome. They dont try and complete the goal of capturing the princess. Titan Studios developed an AI team of score whores who only care about killing other players and AI. This is not the objective of capture the princess. Even when you order the AI to follow you they will follow you until they spot an enemy, and then they will score whore it up. You can order them to help you jump in a catapult, but once you grab the princess, none of your assembled team will escort you back to the castle. It took me half an hour to complete the last story mission. I was not amused. Another tenure of gameplay saw me being the only one to capture the princess but by the time that happened the other team had their princess. The battle for the opposing teams princess lasted 20 minutes, and we we're almost the victors. Then my team went into score whore mode, abandoned the objective and we lost. I falcon punched my wardrobe.

You see, the success of multiplayer games of this nature are determined by the community who pick it up. I mean there are games, such as CounterStrike, where one good player can completely dismantle a team, but Fat Princess is not one of these games. Fat Princess requires intricate and decisive teamwork to complete the objective. If there is little to no teamwork within the group to which you are assigned, you're destined for constant failure and misery.

I know you will always get newbs in any form of multiplayer experience, but a whole team? A team of people who cannot work together? A team of people who don't know what they're doing? It's a gamers nightmare I'm certain. There is the option of swapping teams (aptly named "team sucks?") but thats a defeatest attitude. Sometimes all it takes is a couple of experienced players to join and the roles reverse but sometimes that just doesn't happen, and you're stuck with wheelchair players for another half an hour until the map changes. But this problem is inherant in all team based mutiplayer games. TF2 is another perfect example of how things can go badly when you get drawn onto "that" team. The team that doesn't know what they're doing. Because it doesn't matter how good you are. If you're on a bad team, you're going to look shit.

Despite this, the game is worth the money because of the satisfaction you get when you get drawn onto a team that does work together. When you're the one that sits on the top of the scoreboard because you have helped your team achieve the goal. That's gaming satisfaction at its finest.